Setting Boundaries within a Private Household

When starting a new role, it is important to set your boundaries from the get-go. If you are already in a long-term role, remaining consistent with your boundaries is just as important.

Working in a private household is very different from working in a traditional workplace. You are working in someone's home and often become closely involved in their day-to-day life. Because of this, the line between being helpful and taking on too much can sometimes become blurred.

At the beginning of my nanny career, I remember oversharing at times, especially during my first live-in role. When you work so closely with a family, it can be tricky to recognise the line between being friendly and oversharing. I learnt over time that boundaries are not only about working hours or workload, they can also be about how much of your personal life you choose to share. Retaining some privacy can help you maintain a warm but professional relationship with your employers.

During that same live-in role, I also learnt how easily boundaries around working hours can disappear. There were times when the parents would go out unexpectedly and because I was already in the house, it was assumed that I would cover. Gradually, my evenings became less like my own personal time.

Experiences like this taught me that being flexible and caring about the family you work for does not mean you always have to be available.

Over time, many household staff can become nervous about reinforcing their boundaries or feel uncomfortable saying no. However, having clear boundaries can help to reduce the possibility of burnout, lower stress levels and allow you to continue performing well in your role.

Some healthy boundaries to consider

1. Be clear about your role

Having a clear understanding of your responsibilities can help prevent expectations becoming blurred over time.

2. Recognise role creep

Be aware when occasional additional responsibilities start becoming a regular expectation.

3. Protect your time outside work

Having separation between your working hours and personal time is important, particularly around non-emergency contact.

4. Agree overtime in advance where possible

Flexibility is often part of private household work, but additional hours should not automatically become an expectation.

5. Know when to say no

Being flexible and supportive does not mean you have to agree to everything that is asked of you.

6. Prioritise your health

Your health and wellbeing should not continually come second to the demands of your role.

7. Maintain some personal privacy

A close working relationship does not mean you have to share every aspect of your personal life.

Boundaries protect the working relationship

Setting boundaries does not mean creating distance between yourself and your employer.

Healthy boundaries can actually help to create a more respectful and sustainable working relationship. Your employer knows what to expect from you and you have a clearer understanding of what is expected in return.

Private household roles will always require a certain level of flexibility. The important thing is recognising the difference between being flexible occasionally and allowing something to become an expectation that is no longer manageable.

Learning to set boundaries can feel uncomfortable, particularly if you have already been in a role for a long time. I certainly did not get it right at the beginning of my career. It is something I have learnt through experience and through having some of those uncomfortable conversations myself.

Need some support with boundaries at work?

If you are struggling to set or reinforce boundaries with your employer, a Private Staff Life Support Session gives you a confidential space to talk through your individual situation and work out how you would like to approach it.

Whether you are dealing with changing responsibilities, out-of-hours contact, overtime or simply finding it difficult to say no, we can talk through what is happening and help you find an approach that feels professional and realistic for your situation.

Find out more about Support Sessions